Romance by reminder

It’s okay to plan romance

Image: Jez Timms

I bought flowers for my wife yesterday. A simple bouquet of roses. Though this doesn’t happen as often as once a week, it is now a fairly regular occurrence. But it never used to be.

Rachel is one of those people whose love language is gifts. The way she feels loved and appreciated is through gifts. They don’t have to be expensive or extravagant (phew); any simple gift that expresses ‘I was thinking of you’ will have the desired effect.

So, naturally, flowers are something Rachel appreciates.

Until a couple of years ago, I was pretty terrible at buying flowers. She was never one to overdo the hint dropping but, sadly, when that happened, it tended to have the opposite effect she was hoping for.

I’ve always felt that romantic gestures should be spontaneous. Planned romance is an oxymoron, I thought.

But when we spent some time a few years ago doing a marriage course together, it became readily apparent I needed to up my gift-giving game.

My problem is that I don’t instinctively think of buying gifts. Whether this is because I am a man or because gifts don’t have remotely the same emotional power for me, I don’t know. Either way, it was a problem that needed a solution.

And I found it. Via the reminders app I use on my iPhone. I won’t say how frequently the reminder is set for – or how often I snooze the reminder – but having a reminder has definitely improved things. I’m now regularly nudged to buy Rachel some flowers.

I’m sure Rachel still wishes she got flowers even more frequently, but it’s no longer the case that months and months go by without her receiving any.

It took me a while to overcome my mistaken notion that romance has to be spontaneous. Frankly, if romance doesn’t come naturally to us, we’re fools if we don’t make the most of anything that will help us be better partners.

So, go on, set yourself a reminder. You don’t need to tell your partner, but they’ll be very grateful you did!

Let it rain!

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