When we end up doing the very thing we despise

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Is it normal to feel at war with myself?

What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.

—The Message, Romans 7:15

These words, written several thousand years ago, carry so much resonance.

They capture the human struggle.

We know the right thing to do, but temptation pulls us the other way.

Sometimes it feels like there are two (or more) people inside of us.

One version of myself absolutely wants this.

Another version of myself absolutely wants that.

And this and that are totally contradictory.

How can I want so intensely in such diametrically opposed ways?

Is it normal to feel at war with myself?

The truth is that we are all a mixed bag of longings and desires, wants and needs, hopes and fears.

We get pulled in different directions.

Temptation, left to have its way, leaves us feeling confused about who the true version of us even is.

Lines blur.

Light fades.

Truth dims.

But our true self is always there.

Even if buried or hidden.

Sometimes it takes silence and solitude to redicover that voice.

But she’s there.

Always.

A spirit within us.

Waiting.

Ready to lead us into truth and light.

And freedom.

And that feeling of disgust when we do that which we know we shouldn't?

That’s a good thing.

Imagine if we no longer felt that disgust at all.

Photo: kychan

Are we watching the stories of others or living our own?

What if my tiredness is just a hiding place?