Love Worth Making by Dr Stephen Snyder
My book notes on Stephen Snyder’s book Love Worth Making
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I linked to an article by Stephen Snyder in my newsletter last week. It was about ‘simmering’ and how to improve your sex life in a long-term relationship. At the end, the article pointed to a book by the author, further exploring the theme. So I picked up a copy and read it the weekend before last. I'm so glad I did.
First off, this isn't a book of tips and techniques. It's much deeper than that. And it made me realise that much of what I've read about sex over the years has been pretty superficial. Not that the books and articles I've read before haven’t been useful. They just haven't tapped into the deeper emotional aspects – or 'sex knots' as Snyder calls them – that affect sex within a relationship.
Snyder’s book was a breath of fresh air. I had several assumptions I’ve long held challenged. My understanding of gender differences was deepened. It got me thinking afresh about my attitudes to sex, desire, eroticism, and how that works in a life-long marriage.
It's easy when thinking about your sex life, and wondering how it could be better, to focus on what your partner needs to do. This got me far more focussed on me though. And that felt healthy.
Reading a book by a guy who has spent over 30 years as a sex therapist felt like soaking up wisdom from someone who truly understands. The fact there is a playfulness and lightness to the book itself, made it as enjoyable a read as it was insightful.